j. tyarks’s blog

Top Ten Worst ATHF Episodes (...so far)

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 03:34:34 -0500

I've been watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force religiously for the six years or so of its existence and seasons two and three remain some of my favorite cartoons of all time. Sadly, the show has take a slight turn down hill with more and more episodes feeling lost for direction.

Pause: I realize how strange it is to say that when referring to a show as silly and purposely unpredictable as ATHF.

Restart: At only eleven minutes in duration, there really isn't a lot of room for what my overly-critical ass believes to be missteps or uncertainties in writing. Having just watched "A PE Christmas," I have very mixed feelings about the upcoming season, far more so than season six. While the first few minutes are some of the best that Dave and Matt have written, the rest falls into a set of (almost painfully) unfunny scenes.

That being said, below is a unneeded list of my least favorite episodes so far to act as my break from creating a Wordpress theme.

It's been pretty tough to get this list right as I've struggled between the slow sections of some episodes versus the tired set of jokes found in others.

Side note: Man, reading that last sentence hurts. Aside from poor construction, being critical is silly. I should really be spending my time doing something else. Oh well.

Full explanations coming soon.

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10. Escape from Leprechaupolis | Season One

09. A PE Christmas | Season Seven

08. Two and a Half Star Wars Out of Five | Season Seven

07. Global Grilling | Season Five

06. Rabbot | Season One

05. Creature from Plaque Lagoon | Season Six

04. Last One Forever and Ever | Season Six

03. Gene E. | Season Six

02. Moonajuana | Season Five

01. Hoppy Bunny | Season Six

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2009: Music in Review

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:24:30 -0500

Due to my consistent inability to make decisions and my lack of a "rating system," creating these top [insert number here] lists proves harder almost every year...yet it remains a silly struggle that, for some reason or another, I can't help but put myself through.

So, I've tried really hard this year to order my list in terms of what records would I want to leave behind first...and that's how this came to be. As per usual, I've included top LPs, EPs, shows and biggest disappointment...but I also added in a few other quick lists - biggest surprise and best packaging.

One more note: Of course, these lists are almost never complete as I constantly find "new" music that came out years prior or just never get around to picking something up for one reason or another. Here are a bunch of CDs I've yet to hear yet that could shake this list up: Altar of Plagues - White Tomb, Baroness - Blue Record, Andrew Bird - Noble Beast, Burnt By The Sun - Heart Of Darkness, Do Make Say Think - Other Truths, Fuck Buttons - Tarot Sport, Hiems - Worship Or Die, Kylesa - Static Tensions, Merrimack - Grey Rigorism, Mount Eerie - Wind's Poem, Pelican - What We All Come to Need, Ruins Of Beverast - Foulest Semen of a Sheltered Elite, Devin Townsend Ki and Addicted, YOB - The Great Cessation...and I'm sure plenty more.

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Top Twenty-Five LPs

25. Thrice - Beggars

24. Porcupine Tree - The Incident

23. Napalm Death - Time Waits for No Slave

22. Arms and Sleepers - Matador

21. Isis - Wavering Radient

20. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest

19. Sunn O))) - Monoliths & Dimensions

18. Swallow the Sun - New Moon

17. Bergraven - Till Makabert Vasen

16. Rise and Fall - Our Circle is Vicious

15. mewithoutYou - It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All A Dream! It's All Alright

14. Krallice - Dimensional Bleedthrough

13. Zu - Carboniferous

12. maudlin of the Well - Part the Second

11. Nile - Those Whom the Gods Detest

10. Blut Aus Nord - Memoria Vetusta II: Dialogue with the Stars

09. Bat for Lashes - Two Suns

08. Peste Noire - Ballade Cuntre Lo Anemi Francor

07. Doomriders - Darkness Come Alive

06. Katatonia - Night is the New Day

05. Cobalt - Gin

"So turn off your dusty stares because we're all alone out here, I couldn't even pretend to care (I prefer sex when it's an animal act). Beast...mammal...beast...mammal..."

I'm not going to expand too much beyond the above lyric: Self-described as 'extreme war metal,' this two piece has created one hell of a monster with their musical dedication to Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson. It's bleak, it's angry, it's atmospheric, and hot damn is it uncompromising - all in the best of ways.

04. Converge - Axe to Fall

What is there really left to say about Converge? For the past seven years (of the band's twenty) now I've been treated to the beauty of one of abrasive music's most incredible artists - a group who's only predictable element is sincerity. This album, while proving no different in its tight execution, showcases a palate as varied as it is intense. From the upbeat "Dark Horse," to the coarse "Worms Will Feed/Rats Will Feast," into the depressing but vast "Wretched World," the band proves over and over again, even with a list of guest appearances as long as the track list itself, why they're so important to extreme music.

03. Thursday - Common Existence

Thursday is one of those bands that took a long time to grow on me. It certainly wasn't for lack of exposure, though - between good friend's of mine performing in a Thursday cover band in high school, to attending quite a few live shows, to plenty of listening/re-listening on aimless car rides, I got my fair share of the New Jersey post-hardcore group. Still, something about Rickly's (then) off-key voice and the band's inability to put out a record that felt strong all the way through left me really longing for something more.

Well, one can tell based on their position on this list that, in my eyes of course, they finally found that "something more." Thursday has created their masterpiece to date with Common Existence, an album that features every great quality of their previous albums juxtaposed with a newly found certainty in direction and pacing.

02. Mastodon - Crack the Skye

Much like Thursday, I wasn't heavily into Mastodon for some time. Their musicianship was always impressive, but I almost always found myself bored in the end. Sure, eventually something clicked and their discography (minus Blood Mountain) is consistently found on my playlists...but that "click" has nothing to do with why I adore Crack the Skye.

Being a fairly big prog fan (Camel, not Dream Theater folks), the musical stream of conscience that makes up each section on this record is but a nostalgic gift - and the band is simply at their best in every respect. Whether three minutes or thirteen, each song builds upon the previous' remnants while exploring both relevant and compelling aural dimension.

As with many other albums on this list, Mastodon's latest is indeed their greatest and highly recommended for progressive rock/metal fans.

01. Cattle Decapitation - The Harvest Floor

When I was compiling this list, I could really only think of ten solid reasons why no other release could be number one...and those are the ten tracks making up Cattle Decapitation's unrelenting The Harvest Floor. The seemingly unstoppable California quartet has been bettering itself with each release over its twelve or so year existence, and this collection of songs simply destroys the rest of their already noteworthy catalogue. From the moment vocalist Travis Ryan spews across layered vocal tracks "leave no trace...eliminate the human race" in opener "The Gardeners of Eden" to the eruption of chaos that is "Regret and the Grave," listeners can be sure they are listening to pure captivating misanthropy.

What may be most remarkable about the group is their ability to craft complex songs in cohesive ways. Sure they perform in mind-boggling ways, but the songs are not only distinguishable, but memorable - a trait rarely found in the unfortunate sea of "brutal bands" found across the globe. Cattle Decapitation has found a niche in their gore/grind hybrid genre, a place where experimentation is usually ignored, and continues to create songs that are as challenging as they are rewarding.

Top Ten Honorable Mentions

The Atlas Moth - A Glorified Piece of Blue Sky

Between the Buried and Me - The Great Misdirect

Coalesce - Ox

Cursive - Mama, I'm Swollen

Mike Patton - Crank: High Voltage Soundtrack

Karl Sanders - Saurian Exorcisms

The Mars Volta - Octahedron

Mew - No More Stories Are Told Today I'm Sorry They Washed Away No More Stories the World Is Grey I'm Tired Let's Wash Away

Narrows - New Distances

The Paper Chase - Someday This Could Be All Yours, Vol. 1

Top Five EPs

01. Bon Iver - Blood Bank

02. Coalesce - OXEP

03. Pulling Teeth - Paranoid Delusions Paradise Illusions
04. Arms and Sleepers - The Motorist

05. Emily Wells - Dirty

Best Packaging

01. Porcupine Tree - The Incident (Limited Edition Box Set)

02. Mastodon - Crack the Skye (Limited Edition Tunnel Book)

03. Coalesce - OX

04. Converge - Axe to Fall

05. Sunn O))) - Monoliths & Dimensions

Biggest Surprises

Blacklisted - No One Deserves to Be Here More Than Me

I wish I didn't get as bored as I do during a few songs on this album because I want to just love it. Here is the perfect example of a band creating the record they truly wanted to create. They may lose a few fans, but honesty has that price and for what it's worth (not much), I couldn't be happier for them.

The Mars Volta - Octahedron

Had this been an EP, removing the two "norm" TMV tracks (Cotapaxi, Luciforms), it'd be my favorite release since "De-Loused…"

Biggest Disappointments

Dredg - The Pariah, The Parrot, The Delusion

Am I actually putting something on the list just because the lyrics annoy me? Sadly, I am. The disappointment here is not in the band but rather in the notion that I'll never really love an album from Dredg like "El Cielo."

The Number 12 Looks Like You - Worse Than Alone

For the most part, the music is fantastic and a worthy follow up to Mongrel, but unfortunately a few musical misdirections and quite obnoxious vocals ruin the experience. Perhaps if it wasn't self-produced?

Top Ten Live Shows

01. Eyehategod/Pig Destroyer/Goatwhore

02. Thursday/Glassjaw/Dillinger Escape Plan/United Nations (hasn't even happened yet and it's number two)

03. Converge/Doomriders

04. Brutal Truth/Pig Destroyer/Repulsion

05. Gwar/Cattle Decapitation

06. Cave In/Narrows/Trap Them

07. Cursive

08. Wolves in the Throne Room/Krallice

09. Opeth/Enslaved

10. New England Metal & Hardcore Festival

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"Leave no trace..."

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:54:51 -0500

"...eliminate the human race."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BYPuLnAscA

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To Deathwish, Inc.

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:56:16 -0400

My posts on Deathtalk because I love that label so much:

Re: Pre-order now: DOOMRIDERS "Darkness Come Alive" CD/LP

Posted by: pale folklore (---.hsd1.ma.comcast.net)

Date: September 26, 2009 09:52PM

I got my pre-order in the mail today and then a few hours later saw Doomriders in Allston packing up some equipment (guessing they practice there) and all of this right after seeing them at UNH.

Ah, definitely a Doomriders week.

Now Playing: Jealous God

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Re: Pre-order now: DOOMRIDERS "Darkness Come Alive" CD/LP

Posted by: Jake (Moderator)

Date: September 26, 2009 10:10PM

Awesome, thanks.

-J.

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Re: Pre-order now: DOOMRIDERS "Darkness Come Alive" CD/LP

Posted by: pale folklore (---.hsd1.ma.comcast.net)

Date: September 27, 2009 06:04PM

Jake Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Awesome, thanks.
>
> -J.

No, no, the thanks goes to you and Deathwish, Inc. for continuing to put out music with heart behind it.

For eight years now, you guys have pushed what it means to be a label, giving fans unique opportunities to experience some of the best extreme, and otherwise, aural statements around, helping to keep the communities alive and positive.

I don't need to make another thread about how fantastic this endeavor has been and continues to be, but believe me it wouldn't be overkill as you collectively deserve nothing but praise.

The musical world gets stale quite easily and it is up to purist of artists to forge new directions, complete exciting hybrids, and unite people in their unending strive for purpose and togetherness...but how those experiments reach people is up to the keen ears of true art lovers who wish to share the passion of said artists. At this, Deathwish is rather remarkable.

Hell, the recent signing of the incredible Starkweather shows not only your taste as a label (aforementioned "keen ears"), but the respect you gather from the artists around you.

Each and every year, at least one album put out on this here hits home quite hard, reminds me why I adore music as much as I do and, again, for that the thanks goes to you all.

We all need to start somewhere as you, Jake, said so well, and for those of us who weren't around for the beginnings of this punk and hardcore movement, it is labels like this one who continuously make the community worth its while.

A bukkake of gratitude and appreciation all over your wonderful faces, Deathwish; and the best of luck in all future endeavors.

With love,
another loyal and grateful fan

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Sigh.

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 03:52:52 -0400

Saw Converge for what I believe was my fourteenth time tonight in New Hampshire. Great show and boy is the new album going to slay.

Anyways, dropped Chris off at 'bucks at 1:00 am, got to Brighton around quarter of and then searched for parking until five minutes ago (3:43 am).

Best part? Needing to go to the bathroom so bad that after a half hour of going up and down streets I parked in front of a fire hydrant, put on my hazard lights, ran inside only to come out to a $100 ticket. Six minutes.

I'm not contesting the problems with parking in front of fire hydrant...but I wasn't leaving my car there, my hazard lights were on and if I didn't pee soon I would have driven into something or someone...and then peed myself.

Damnit, Boston, turn down the suck once in awhile.

Oh, and to all of the drivers who parked over two feet from the car in front of them, ensuring that at least two spaces were rendered unavailable - [ long list of expletives deleted ].

Still love Converge, though.

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Recent sounds of evening.

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 02:54:28 -0400

Over the past few days I've been acquainted with a lovely variety of aural obnoxious maximus displeasures.

On Tuesday, a car alarm went off every fifteen minutes from the hours of 9 pm until 7 am.
A neighbor played an acoustic cover of "Take On Me," which reverberated between three building buildings, for two hours (I believe he was trying to record it)
A scooter that drenches itself in a mechanical crunchy and quite clunky hum buzzing through the streets at any given time of day
Myself incessantly tapping out of exhaustion

In other news, Arms & Sleepers comes out with a new record next month and I am so damn excited.

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A bit of upgrade weekend.

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 02:42:59 -0400

I've long felt that upgrading every other software iteration keeps me both fiscally in check and current enough. Of course I try out new software, but I don't feel the itch to be on the bleeding edge 24/7. Never have.

This is why I never upgraded to Leopard but just did to Snow Leopard, and this has been lovely. I skipped a whole lot of mess that happened with the previous version and got a refined OS that is quite wonderful to use.

Also, Facebook 3.0 for the iPhone/iPod Touch is fantastic. Joe Hewitt - awesome job.

In other news -

My car is still a mess, accelerating by itself whenever it feels like it
My desire to get back into school is as high as ever
Franz Wright still amazes me
I'm going to see Pig Destroyer on a boat
New Converge is going to destroy faces
Halloween 2 had so much potential but is, indeed, a letdown
...but it meant I got to hang out with Jeff whom I missed dearly
Cafénation is my favorite café at the moment
Still excited for new Thrice, Rise & Fall, Doomriders, Porcupine Tree, Dying Fetus, Trap Them, and hopefully Deftones
Writing is going well for I've been miserable for a few weeks and having terrible nightmares that I only vaguely remember
I found my camera charger
I'm damn broke and really need to get motivated to do some personal marketing

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Edward Brook - 2010

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 11:55:35 -0400

Edwardbrook_final_thumb

It's getting closer.

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Oh, Savage Love Column

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 01:31:10 -0400

http://www.laweekly.com/advice/view/SavageLove/

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Help me figure this one out: Why are men such douche-drizzling assholes?

— Wish I Ate Pussy Instead

The only reason you think men are assholes—douche-drizzlers at that—is because you fuck men, WIAPI, and so it's men who have hurt your feelings and fucked you over. If you ate pussy, you'd be fucking women and women would be stomping on your heart and you'd quickly come to hate women. And if you were a straight man, you'd be complaining about women; and if you were a fag, you'd be complaining about men; and if you were bisexual, you'd be complaining about everyone and everything.

So try to have some perspective and cut men some slack and hang in there, okay? They drizzle douche, for sure. But so do you—so do we all.

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Top 10 of '09 so far.

nobody@vox.com(j. tyarks) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 02:05:18 -0400

There are still a few releases that I'm really looking forward to, but here are my favorites for just over the first half of 2009.

Cattle Decapitation - "The Harvest Floor"
Thursday - "Common Existence"
Cobalt - "Gin"
Isis - "Wavering Radient"
Sunn O))) - "Monoliths & Dimensions
Grizzly Bear - "Veckatimest"
Mastodon - "Crack the Skye"
Napalm Death - "Time Waits for No Slave"
Zu - "Carboniferous"
Wolves in the Throne Room - "Black Cascade"

Behemoth? Blut Aus Nord? Converge? Porcupine Tree? There's still time for this to be moved completely around.

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