Posts (page 2)

How old do I look? Who knows. Young, that's for sure. 

Will it replace Firefox? No.

Recently been hooked on:

1. Grapefruit + honey
2. Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Chocolate Non-Dairy Beverage and EnviroKidz Peanut Butter Panda Puffs
3. Starbucks Banana Chocolate Vivano with soy milk, three scoops of Frappuccino chips, and two packets of Justin's Almond Butter

Driving to South Carolina on Friday to help move my father and step-mother.

They've been together for eleven years and I hardly remember five of them.

I'm not going to drink any caffeine this week and then punish my poor body like never before on Thursday night in attempt to get as much of the driving out of the way as possible. The plan? Work my 1:30 p.m. to close shift, get picked up by Sayer, drive to Marshfield, pack up and get through New York before any type of traffic hits. That would be lovely.

This will also be the most amount of time I've spent with my brother in most likely close to a year. Maybe more.

Recurring theme: I don't remember.

I've got so much to say; I simply can't remember.

This image of a hole
planted behind my eyes.

Swiveled whirlpool that curves
right through me. Central bole

sawed from the tree of nerves.
This is the urge that lies

behind the throb of seeing.
This is the barest force

giving up to the wish
of whatever greater being:

little transparent fish
dragged on its one course

through forests of coral flowers
seeking the break of day.

Whatever way this power
pulls me:...ok...ok...

Honestly, if The Killers had simply released an EP with the first half of Hot Fuss on it (wait, first half plus a song..."Andy You're a Star" is awesome) and then proceeded to break up, I would have been a happy camper.

I'll preface by saying that I tend not to spill the stories of my life too far from home's ear (as I see it to be an unnecessary writhing for some type of attention).

I'm only breaking custom this time as the events of the past few weeks have made me long to extend what lessons have been affirmed so many times over. I am not, nor ever will be a preacher...but in my own dense apathy, there is a deep hope for us as humans to accept and move on. 

Background:

There has been lingering taste of uncertainty regarding my own father's well being and by listening in to my family's feelings towards the situation, I've come out to simply say: leave thy embittered bones at the door.

For a good portion of my life, I dressed every day in angst and loathing, unable to accept the faults of others as well as myself. True, it only gets easier with each moment to succumb to wars of the world, but it leaves no room for the beauties of life.

Learned:

After loosing a cousin late last month (essentially from drinking herself to death), and continuing to watch a man, now in his fifties, let some masochistic desire ring loudest of all, I've grown all the more certain of our need to forgive and continue onward. 

We are all guaranteed death, my friends, whether it be by natural causes or our own hands. Given that every day you are here is one that you've chosen to continue this stupid little adventure, I can only hope that you reach for the best that your life has to offer you.

Every person on this planet knows pain in some shape or form. Whether it be not being able to take the Mercedes out for the weekend to impress some lady-friend, or waking every day hungry and without proper care - it is relative pain nonetheless. 

In order to build the best years you can, you must use what makes you miserable to strengthen your ideals and become a better, stronger, and (of course) happier person.

Closing:

I say all this as I fear but the accept the fact that my dad may not have another five years left in him. The essence of self-destructive pattern. 

So I write this, to you and all, the lessons of well being that so many have tried to teach our friends, acquaintances, lovers, brothers, and sisters – Make peace with whatever hatred that plagues you. Make peace and share love with each other.

I'll officially end this note with a poem I starting writing for my father some time ago only to finally finish last year. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

"Welcome to Vermont, Denver Birth"

When the time comes, layer me son.
Pull silence over eld, let your days 
calm as an old man’s ashes over older
man’s soil,

and layer me with the peace of
brotherhood. At night, in sweat, I 
can still hear the calling of empty 
lots lost in songs from a nip bottle.

They ring clear as tiger sigh,
clear as youth’s desire. 

They say that time is coming,
we’re aging well.

And somewhere, a Taconic Crest 
Trail, drenched in floods of shade – 
you’ll laugh with ghosts, piecing, 
forward pacing, 

waking as the shoulders of 
all-too-common beasts.

You’ll live with the inked 
paradise of a Williams Inn chlorine 
sip while I stand as the layer 
‘mongst older man’s soil.

For these, son, are notes from your hometown: 
a closing pub of purple in some western 
state of mind. A percussive lapse in some
other trickling majestic shine.

And these words, Jeremy, are but marks of an
old town: poor posture and an almost 
indistinguishable yellow tinge, Vermont’s air 
never holding us this way again.

So when it comes, layer me son. 
Let go of this, your fail speech, 
and wrap our history with 
gifts of time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Thanks for reading. 

Be well, friends, and listen to Cattle Decapitation \m/

- j.t.

Taking a break from work to put together a quick list. I didn't love a lot of releases this year, but the ones that stood out have become almost instant-classics. Here's to looking forward to 2009: - - - - - - - - - - - - LP - - - - - - - - - - - - 1. Genghis Tron - Board Up the House 2. Bloodbath - The Fathomless Mastery 3. Opeth - Watershed 4. Ihsahn - angL 5. Trap Them - Seizures in Barren Praise 6. Subtle - A New White 7. Blacklisted - Heavier Than Heaven, Lonelier Than God 8. Hate Eternal - Fury and Flames 9. Emily Wells - The Symphonies: Dreams Memories & Parties 10. Wovenhand - Ten Stones 11. Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight 12. Intronaut - Prehistoricisms Honorable Mentions: Cursed - III Architects of Troubled Sleep, Elbow - The Seldom Seen Kid, Enslaved - Vertebrae, Flight of the Conchords - s/t, Killing the Dream - Fractures, Krallice - s/t, Life Long Tragedy - Runaways, The Mars Volta - The Bedlam in Goliath, Meshuggah - ObZen, Portishead - Third, Sigur Rós - Með Suð Í Eyrum Við Spilum Endalaust, Sun Kil Moon - April, Thrice - The Alchemy Index Volumes III & IV, TV on the Radio - Dear Science, United Nations - s/t, The Walkmen - You & Me - - - - - - - - - - - - EP/7"/Splits - - - - - - - - - - - - 1. Bloodbath - Unblessing the Purity 2. J. Bannon - The Blood of Thine Enemies 3. Deathspell Omega - Veritas Diaboli Manet in Aeternum 4. Thursday - split with Envy 5. Narrows - s/t Honorable Mention: Swallow the Sun - Plague of Butterflies - - - - - - - - - - - - Shows - - - - - - - - - - - - 1. Jul. 11th | At the Gates 2. Sep. 05th | Carcass / Suffocation / Necrophagist / Dying Fetus 3. Mar. 30th | Converge / Genghis Tron 4. May 10th | Thrice / Circa Survive 5. Feb. 22nd | Opeth - - - - - - - - - - - - Disappointments - - - - - - - - - - - - 1. Cryptopsy - The Unspoken King 2. Deicide - Till Death Do Us Part

Good

• Father sold his house
• Work is going decently well
• Questionable Content / Daisy Owl
  

• Car was broken into...again. I'm not sure when it happened (except that it was after last Saturday) and my car is full of snow.
  
• Vegetarian issue: Ordered black bean soup from Panera...got baked potato (full of bacon) which was only preparation for the vegetarian pizza I ordered that also had bacon and chicken on it. Not paying attention, I took a bite...mmm, my stomach was not very happy.
• Still not done with Christmas shopping
• Terrible writer's block
• Still working at Starbucks
  

The days have been calm, as of late. Busy with the ever-present present of repetitive action, but painted in the color scheme of slow, easy breath.

I've been at Harvard Street 'bux for a few weeks now and I suppose I'm adapting...certainly better than I expected. I suppose the biggest trip has been getting used to seeing so many people. Even after almost four months I'm not used to the offerings of a day at Starbucks...that comfort attached to the overnight shift cannot be replaced simply because of its very definition. 'Twas a different light on common work, a different pace with a different type of endurance...something I only miss it when I work (meeting with Chris the other night...the great times were of course brought up: an intense mix of death metal whilst pwning every type of janitorial/custodial task one can come up with).

Eh, it's all good though. I've met some cool cats, that's for sure. The beauty of working in such a hectic environment is the closeness one achieves with his/her surrounding workers...no matter how long I stay there (be it another month or six), I believe the experience even after a short time has been well worth it.

Speaking of 'bux, a co-worker actually mentioned something funny the other day when describing a partner from another store. She said that all of the employees sort of stand firm with the belief that "I enjoy working here, but it's not who I am," and it kind of caught me off guard. It's true, yes...but it's also very untrue. One can find out much about themselves in a customer service work environment quite fast, which either defines or strengthens one's personality/beliefs/etc.

The loner in me is still very much present...yet I've opened up myself to other people at the job than I do with those whom I meet under different circumstances. I still haven't quite figured out why, but nonetheless it was, in a way, rather inspiring. Identity sure is a funny thing. Obviously, in essence, every conversation and every thought is connected to it and yet I still find myself compelled to write about it. Perhaps it's because I don't have anything original to say or add, but the notion of becoming and recognition in growth is just damn fun to write about.

The rest of my time has been pretty devoted to Transmyt developing websites, updating old code, or extending designs to fit new ideas. Not a clue if it will become a full-time gig, but I wouldn't be opposed. My plan is, should I be hired, to work there throughout the week, perhaps do two days a week at Starbucks (perhaps is very much the key word there) and then start promoting Pelagic-ID to build up a stronger portfolio. Could be a blast, just need to keep things in perspective (haHA...I'll be winging that part).

Quicker points: Saw Dave McHale on a small New York trip as well as a majority of touristy attractions...grand time, reading a lot of Robert Hass recently (the lyric-style is a great help for those who tend to dance with skittishness during novels, no matter how good), been trying to compile a Top Ten CD Releases for 2008 but I'm having issues...there has been some great music, but I have no idea how it should be arranged, my father has hit (another) rock-bottom...it's been keeping me full of thought but quite silent, The Dark Knight is still incredible, my mini-contact with history has been haunting...so much to say at a time that may never come, I need to start making music again.